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Jayfeather
Jayfeather is the one of the worst characters in Warriors. He would be the worst if it weren't for Squirrelflight, Blossomfall, Cinderheart, and Dovewing. Don't try to deny it, or his Fangirls will eat you. He stabbs muffins, because he thinks he's cool. If he opened his stuck-up eyes, he would see he isn't, except for the fact that he is blind.. I'm highly truthful!! Listen here you little shit, Jayfeather is the best character in Warriors, and if you don't agree then you're a certified retard. As established, Jaykit/Jaypaw/Jayfeather is the best character in the series. Experiencing blindness ever since birth, he was instead bestowed the power of the Sight, allowing him to view into the dreams of his clanmates, so he could watch them have wet dreams of having brutal BDSM sex with each other. This also allows him to visit Starclan and the Dark Forest whenever he wants so he can go make fun of cats for being dead. Biographics Jaykit, Lionkit, and Hollykit were born to Leafpool and Crowfeather, but since Leafpool was a strong independent career woman she gave her kits to Squirrelflight, promising that Brambleclaw wouldn't notice because he's too much of a retard to know where babies come from. It worked, and Leafpool was happy to let the doofus think that the kits were his, even though one of them was black. I guess Squirrelflight's tail must have been in the way or something whenever they porked. You know I saw that once - once upon a time two of my cats were having sex outside, then my brother came along while riding a bicycle, then popped a wheelie and slammed the tire down right beside them to scare them. They both got pretty spooked, then ran under the family car and started continuing business, only the girl cat's tail was under the male cat's peepee. Then after they finished the male cat let go of her, and the female cat came running over to me and wanted pet, splooge on her rump and all. She didn't even lick it up. Sloppy. Anyway, Jaypaw was originally assigned Brightheart as his mentor because Firestar wanted his grandson to have "you're blind" be a one-note gimmick or something and Jaypaw hated it because he thinks everyone in Thunderclan sucks. Since he was right, he became a medicine cat shortly afterwards whenever he started demonstrating knowledge of which drugs worked the best for getting the cleanest high, and life was never the same. Somewhere in the woods, Jaypaw tripped and accidentally shoved a stick up his ass. The stick didn't break yet because it was an ancient carving stick for some Hunger Games type of shit where cats went into the tunnel to die. So the ghost of the stick, Rock, started haunting him in his dreams, and Jawpaw and Ruck had steaming hot ghost sex because Jawpay was lonely. So Jaypaw started going back in time and possessed a cat in a group who would eventually become the Tribe of Rushing Water (and fell in love with their first leader), founded Democracy before the Greeks, was the one who taught Beethoven how to be pitch perfect before he lost his hearing. Then he came back, and broke the stick after Rock told him to go back in time and make sure Hitler won WWII, but then he watches an episode of Steven Universe and starts to realize that Rock was right. Rock tells him to forget that he said all of that Hitler stuff because the rest of Jayfeather's destiny had absolutely nothing to do with the Nazi regimen, and meets with Firestar to convince him to let Jayfeather and some other cats to go to the Tribe of Rushing Water to decide their leaders for them. Jeyfeather picks his past girlfriend, and the tribe appoints her while Jayfeather gets told by Rock that he can't have sex with her anymore because he says so. Jayfeather is upset, goes back to his own time, and gets accused of murdering Flametail at the next gathering. As the cats of the gathering start to accuse a blind cat of crossing murdering a cat on the frozen lake, and Starclan sends a bolt of lightning down to tell them all to shut the fuck up and stop being retarded. Yellowfang then goes to yell at Jayfeather for not hurrying up with some prophecy, and Jayfeather tells her to shut the the fuck up and that he's had a long week including getting cucked and framed for murder. Yellowfang burps in his face, then fades away. Jayfeather goes to Starclan then and asks Flametail to tell the other medicine cats (except Mothwing, who stayed at home) to stop being so bloody-fucking retarded and next time. Flametail does, and Jayfeather leaves pissed that he had to go tell them to do that in the first place. During the final battle between the cats of the clans and the Dark Forest, Half Moon appears and yells "I STILL LOVE YOU JAY WING SENPAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII," and orders the Ancients to fucking slaughter the Dark Forest cats again, which makes Tigerstar feel retarded for initiating such a one-sided battle in the first place. Then everyone goes home and Jayfeather waits until he can FUCKING DIE so he has a chance to be with his ghost girlfriend again. And then Starclan took his powers away as one last "fuck you." Powers: * The ability to fucking turn off bold in this wiki editor appropriately. * The Schbootyschmick - Jayfeather can walk into other cat's dreams and jerk them off in their sleep, making cats wonder why they wake up with hard peepees * Medicine Cat Prowess - Jayfeather can find a guy to hook you up with the finest 'herb,' knowwhatimsaying? There's a reason his brother is called Lion''blaze'' * Super-Americanization - Jayfeather can inspire anyone with the American Way * Asperger - Jayfeather can weaponize his anti-social skills to draw ten thousand Sonic the Hedgehog OCs per minute. Trivia * Jayfeather has trouble formatting text on wikis. * Erin Hunter has not confirmed whether or not Jayfeather follows the Mormon faith. * The tribe cats each clawed Jayfeather's stick to mark their passage into the tunnels, logging their journey and history. Coincidentally, this also made convenient grooves that felt great sliding in and out of a rectum. * Jaykit had to deal with other kits in the nursery making fun of him by calling him "Gaykit." Jaykit asked the ghosts of Tallstar and Jake to start making out in those kits dreams in response. Now each of those kits wears a rainbow gimp suit. Category:Cats Category:Ninjas Category:Fangirl Magnets